Tools for a Music Teacher's Hard Days
At the risk of overstating the obvious, I am not a mental health professional. Today’s post does deal with some strategies that have helped me as I deal with my own mental health struggles, but I am not a healthcare professional. If you or someone you know is going through a mental health crisis or you think you may have an emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. If you're having suicidal thoughts, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to talk to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area at any time (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline). If you are located outside the United States, call your local emergency line immediately.
Private music teachers are an interesting breed, aren’t we?
We are forces of nature. All of the classes, lessons, performances and more wouldn’t happen without us. The ideas we have would just stay ideas if we didn’t act and do the thing. It requires a lot of energy, organization and heart to be a good music teacher.
Unfortunately, our work can also be incredibly isolating. Many private teachers exist in their own little worlds and no one else knows our day to day routine or struggles. So when things get a hectic or on those days we get a nastygram email from a student or parents, it can start to feel overwhelming. Especially in seasons when there might be extra demands like recitals for ourselves or our students, or times of the year when there is a lot of change, like the beginning of the school year.
Based on my experience and the musicians I’ve known in my life, music has often been a coping mechanism through difficult times. There’s something about playing our scales, losing ourselves in improving an étude and accessing emotions to improve the performance of a piece that can help us mentally and emotionally! Other times music isn’t the tonic it usually is though, because it is too close to the things causing us trouble. This has been especially true in my experience if we’re worried about how we measure up as a performer or teacher.
As someone who has dealt with periods of depression and anxiety, I have created a list of resources and tools to help me navigate those times.
If you find yourself down and struggling as a musician, I hope this list helps you as it has me!
Save encouraging messages from students, studio families and other professional avenues.
I do my best to save little notes from my students and studio families when they share a particularly thoughtful and encouraging word with me. I have physical boxes for cards I’ve received from students over the years and an email folder titled “Happy Emails” just for moments of self doubt, listlessness or worry. On good days, these are fun to look back on and see how much a student has grown. On bad days, these are one of the best ways to remind myself of what is true - I do good work, I’ve created meaningful experiences for my students and their families, and I am seen.
Lighten your load at home.
Look for areas music related and not. Do you know you have a season of heavy rehearsals, performances and organizing recitals? Prepare meals ahead of time by prepping freezer meals or enrolling in a meal kit service. Line up someone to help take cleaning off your plate. Sometimes even a student is willing to barter cleaning or child care for lessons, which is awesome! Let your family know that you have a busy season coming out and see if they can take the lead over some of your usual tasks.
Expand what types of practice you use for your own music making.
Are you feeling burned out on music making but you have another five gigs before you’re done for the season? Count listening as your practice for the day. Play just the left hand or the right. Sing through your music. All those practice alternatives you give your students count for you, too. Give yourself the same compassion you would give those in your care.
Say no, without guilt or shame.
It is okay to say no. You control what gigs you take on. If the school you teach at asks you to volunteer at another school event, you can say no. When a student asks you to reschedule the fifth lesson of the year, you can say you can’t (And revisit your studio policy to set those boundaries early and often!) Block out times in the year where you get a rest just for yourself. Schedule time with family or friends and DON’T MOVE IT.
If you need a way to say no, try one of these options!
“Thank you for thinking of me, but I am focused on these other offerings right now.”
“Oh, I’ve done that so many times before! Why don’t you give someone else a chance?”
“Right now isn’t a good time for me, but I am available at this time.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t commit to that until my work load eases.”
Practice these in a mirror, save them as a note in your phone and review them often. Remember you can always make a referral for another colleague who may have the availability and interest in taking that project on. And knowing you’ve helped someone else is a great feeling all on it’s own.
Reach out to your music teacher friend group.
This can be so crucial because our work is so isolating. Whether you are working for a community music school, music store or on your own, no one else really knows the students or parents you are working with. No one else is familiar with your schedule. But you know who is going through similar experiences?
Other music teachers. They may not know your exact student, but odds are they’ve been in the same situation as you before and can empathize in a way few others can. Establish those connections and keep them alive! If you don’t know how to find these people, check your professional organizations like the Suzuki Association of America (SAA), the American String Teachers Association (ASTA) or the Music Teachers National Association (MTNA). These are all great ways to connect with others in our field.
Get help.
If this is a persistent mindset, get help. Don’t be afraid to reach out. Telehealth is more available than ever before, so whether you want a counselor who is local to you or you’d prefer someone online, I know there is someone out there with the skillset to help you work through the overwhelm and dark.
Know that you aren’t alone, nor are you powerless. I hope these ideas can help give you new ideas, or permission to try ideas you’ve been contemplating for a while. There is a season for everything and you will get through this time, too.
I’m cheering for you!
